I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
