She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
