I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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