FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
