I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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