yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
