was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
