that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
