So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
