I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
