No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize