we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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