that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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