you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
