last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
