i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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