I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is Oprah even human
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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