Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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