Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
