Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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