I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
