i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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