i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
