The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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