the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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