Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
