So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We need to get me chipped asap
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
