You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i've created a new STD.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
