i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
