Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
