I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
is it fun? or sober?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
