Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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