Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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