I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
