Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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