yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
