There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
