No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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