the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
