Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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