idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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