No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
