I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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