discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
