Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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