is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
