3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
