My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
