It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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