she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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