Swine flu. Run for my life!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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