THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
