Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
