my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
