she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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