If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
