Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
