some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
