At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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