How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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