Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
