Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there was a trapeze. enough said
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
