Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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